Michael Owen is a Made Man(c)!

Goal poacher, stupified defender, beaten keeper, jubilant Stretford End!


Vidic, Valencia, Carrick, Owen, and Fletcher celebrate (with Trollvez, #32, left to sulk)

Sir Alex gets the evil eye from City manager Mark Hughes (former United player)

Well said... (a dig at the obscene amount of money spent by City during the summer)

Idiotic goof on the Trollvez "Welcome to Manchester" billboard. Michael Owen had a reputation for being a "serial crock" (always injured). Stretford (End) is the chanting fans section of Old Trafford (the borough of Stretford lies just outside of Trafford).

Mafia movies have made big money for Hollywood throughout the years. Profits from The Godfather series alone would be too staggering to imagine. Whether strolling through the hills outside Palermo, or in the back alleys of Chicago, the characters in each flick are basically the same: the Don, the consiglieri, the huge enforcer with no brain, the loudmouth nobody trusts, and the quiet soldiers who do the bidding of the Don. The one characteristic that they all share is...they are "made" men; they've done the time in the trenches and tallied their first kill.

Let's leave the hills of Palermo and travel a few thousand miles to the northwest.

Setting: Trafford (Borough of Manchester)

It is difficult to put into words what a derby means. Pronounced darby in the Queen's English, it is a footy spectacular played between two teams situated in the same city. Twice per year fans in the English Premier League (EPL) are treated to a home derby and an away derby. Liverpool v. Everton, Chelsea v. Arsenal, and a host of other teams. But the only one which truly concerns me is Manchester United v. Manchester City.

Although some Mancunians (Mancs) who reside within the city limits (and follow City) claim that Manchester United should not be called such because it lies in the borough of Trafford, United is indeed on the Greater Manchester horizon and on the lips of those who know nothing about soccer; if one said "Manchester" while playing Password...the most popular response would be, "United."

Derbys are hard-fought and usually involve trashtalk before, during, and after the match. This year promised to be even worse, with a former United player (whom I will call Trollvez) now featuring for their rivals after a bitter contract dispute (and United-bashing from the troll). City erected a huge billboard in the center of Manchester (Deansgate) with a picture of the troll, with outstretched arms, that read... "Welcome to Manchester!" Of course this didn't sit well with United followers, who rarely even think about the bottom-dweller Blues. After all...they have won nothing and United...well...the list of accolades is too long to mention.

On Sunday last, the annual Fall gathering of the red side of Manchester and the blue (as in always sad..hehe) side of Manchester commenced at United's playing ground, Old Trafford.

76,000 fans were treated to a barnburner (largely due to United's 3 gifted goals to City), and the Red faithful were victorious, 4-3.

Locked at 3-3, thanks to a 90th minute goal by City's Craig Bellamy, the City fans were grateful for a draw against the current World Club Champions, EPL Champions, and Carling Cup Champions. But...they forgot one important fact. United...doesn't...settle...for...draws. That's why they've actually won something, compared to their trophyless, whinging (that's how you spell it in the Queen's English), upstart neighbors.

So where did United find the 4th and decisive goal? Via a lad hailing from Chester, refined by Liverpool, treated poorly by Real Madrid (as are all!), sold to Newcastle, and purchased by United (for no fee!) this past summer. Yes...Michael Owen.

World Player of the Year in 2002, Michael Owen was the darling of Liverpool. A true goal-poacher nicknamed the "fox in the box," Owen created goals by canvassing the area just waiting for a loose ball. His stay in Madrid was short (just one year) and then he ended up back in the EPL at Newcastle United. A few knocks to his knees earned him a reputation for being a "serial crock." During this time, he also played for the English National Team and was their star striker.

This past summer his contract with Newcastle expired and he was looking for a team. He sent out a 35-page dossier on himself just hoping for a bite from anyone. Who came calling? One Sir Alex Ferguson of Manchester United. Jumping at the chance to play for one of the most powerful and successful teams in the world, Owen was given an offer he couldn't refuse...a "pay to play" contract, meaning he would only be paid if he featured in a match. Ferguson was up front with Owen and the fans by saying that he would not be a regular starter, but would be sent in at the right time to kill a match. And that he did.

With seconds left to play last Sunday, he was hovering at the shoulders of the bewildered City defenders (happy with the draw), and then it happened. A ball knocked out of the box (by Wayne Rooney) landed at the feet of the United captain, Ryan Giggs. Owen waited for Giggsy to deaden the ball, then waved his arms to say, "Unbelievably, I'm not marked!!!" Giggsy flicked the ball through the defense to the feet of the "fox in the box" and with a desperate City defender in tow, Owen ran right at the keeper....and straight into the history books of Manchester United. 76,000 fans went berserk (oops!...I mean 73,000...I don't think the City fans were cheering!), and Owen screamed past the Stretford End (home to the most vociferous United fans), waving his arms and jumping into the arms of his teammates! Sir Alex (the Don) leapt to his feet and scampered on to the pitch, much to the chagrin of the now downtrodden City manager (and former United player!). The photos of the match are unbelievable and truly capture the excitement, despair, and utter disbelief of most in attendance. Dubbed "the derby of all time," it is perhaps ironic that the winning goal was scored (in the 95th minute) by a man who used to wear the red of Liverpool, was unemployed as of June, 2009, and featured (on crutches) in an internet viral spoofing the Trollvez billboard in Deansgate (see photo above).

Sent in for the kill by the Don (Sir Alex), aided and abetted by his fellow soldiers...with one kick Michael Owen became a made Man(c).

Welcome to Manchester.