Cup Qualifying "Handily" Concluded, Bart Beckham, Gourcuff in the Gour-buff

First things first.  Portugal won 1-0 thanks to Meireles' goal.  Portugal qualified.  Greece beat Ukraine to advance.  Greece qualified.  In a shocker to Guus Hiddink's Russian men, they won't be traveling to South Africa this summer.  The underdog Slovenian's sent the 9-man Russki's packing, 1-0.  Perhaps that is fitting that one of the "minnows" beat a ranked team to slap the face of FIFA for this qualifying debacle.  Slovenia qualified.
Maintenant.  For shame.  For shame.  For shame.  Quelle horreur.  I can't imagine how many drunken Irishmen will be rubbing their heads tomorrow morning after suffering a horrendous blow to their World Cup dreams.  They played like champions in Dublin for the first tie.  They played even better today for the second tie in Paris.  Unfortunately, the most deserving team does not always win. 
I was cheering for France because I am a fan of Zizou.  I was cheering for France because I'm a fan of United left back, Patrice Evra.  I was cheering for France because the sight of Yohann Gourcuff removing his shirt after matches is something every female fan should experience at least once per week (see photo below...be seated before you do...).  I will not be cheering for France in the World Cup this summer (unless they are playing the Germans or Italians...yuck).
On 33 minutes, Tottenham Hotspur and Irish hero, Robbie Keane leveled the aggregate 1-1 with a great strike.  Away goals are more important than home goals, and France had scored in Dublin.  Keane's strike put the Irish back in the Cup hunt.  Level at full-time, they played on to settle the tie and at the 103rd minute, former World Player of the Year, Thierry Henry handled a ball (see the photo below...he is looking directly at the ball) to keep it in play, then passed to William Gallas....who scored.  France 2-1 Ireland.   The Irish players were screaming for a handball, but the "official" did not see it.  So...the Irish eyes were not smiling.

!Quelle horreur! C'est travesti du Foot!

Of course the calls for instant replay have been bellowing for years, and especially in recent months by EPL managers, whose sides have suffered from "theatrically-enhanced falling."

The infamous "Hand of God" goal by Diego Imatroll Maradona in the 86 World Cup win over England was revisited with some headlines across the world:

HandGaul (referring to France as Gaul, of course...for you history illiterates)

Some other choice headlines:

Francia se mete con una mano clamorosa de Henry (from as.com)

Hand of God II: Thierry Henry confesses he cheated to rob Irish of World Cup place (from the Daily Mail)

Cheats never prosper? Well, France certainly did against Ireland (Daily Mail)

One thing I will say...Karma has a way of biting you in the rear.  France played horribly throughout the qualifying process and today's match was no better.  I don't see them advancing in the Cup.

One photo item that I cannot leave without comment: (Keep scrolling down to see the photo of Yohann sans chemise)

As David Beckham's MLS LA Galaxy beat the Houston Dynamo to advance to the MLS Final against Real Salt Lake (stay away from the TV if you speak Spanish, as "Real" is not pronounced like "Ray-al", but like the idiot American way of, "ree-al."  I suppose they will be playing the "unreal" LA Galaxy), I couldn't help but post a pic of the former Manchester United number 7.  David, only Bart Simpson looks good in that haircut!

Doh!

Bart Beckham...the long lost child of Posh and Becks

Okay...as promised....Bordeaux striker Yohann Gourcuff:

"Susanne, m'attendre dehors!"

With a little Chamakh bonus...

Yohann went a little crazy after a match in Milan...(notice that his undies are numbered...if you're looking that closely)

!

WCQ-UEFA Update, A "Bad Drug," and Other News

The two-tie Cup playoffs between France/Ireland and Portugal/Bosnia-Herzegovina began yesterday.  The second ties will be played on Wednesday, with the aggegrate winners advancing to the big show in South Africa next summer.
Early predictions did not have France and Portugal struggling to qualify, but then a little drama is okay if it all turns out in the end!

FRANCE-IRELAND
The first tie was played at Croke Park in Ireland.  Seen as underdogs, the Irish side (with United's John O'Shea and Darren Gibson) fought hard in front of 81,000.  The match was largely uneventful until with 18 minutes left, Yohann Gourcuff passed to Nicolas Anelka at the top of the box and he smashed one off of Irish defender, St. Ledger, which deflected in for a goal.  The Irish had a chance to level late in the match, but French keeper, Lloris, made a spectacular save.
The two sides will meet Wednesday in Paris, with France having a one goal advantage, and a precious away goal at that.  Ireland will need to score 2 and hope that France doesn't score any if they hope to make it to South Africa. 
ADVANTAGE: France.  France had more chances to win and at times just outclassed the Irish.  I predict a home win for les bleus and a ticket to Africa.

Thierry Henry congratulates Nicolas Anelka on his goal

PORTUGAL-BOSNIA HERZEGOVINA
Playing without their star, Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal needed the home advantage to eke out a 1-0 win against Bosnia.  It was perhaps ironic that Ronaldo's replacement for the match, former United teammate Nani, played with the most fervor.  Situated in the palco of the Estadio da Luz, Ronaldo watched with his mom and manager, wincing when Bosnia hit two shots off the crossbar.  An inch lower and those balls would have been two much-needed away goals for Bosnia, and the disastrous nail in the coffin for Portugal.  With that said, Portugal must now travel to Bosnia (where the weather is not as nice) and put on a better display if they are to advance to Africa.  A goal in the 31st by Bruno Alves assured the Portuguese that they didn't leave empty-handed, but it might not be enough.
ADVANTAGE: Portugal (only slightly).  By and large, the Portuguese have a better team, if they play together.  But Portugal's year-long goal drought might prove advantageous to the Bosnian side.  Both defenses played very well in Lisbon.  A home lift for Bosnia might keep the world's most expensive player out of the world's biggest tournament.

"Duda" Valente celebrates with Bruno Alves

CR, his mom (L), and his manager, Jorge Mendes, celebrate Alves' goal

In a recent post I waxed about my displeasure at FIFA for seeding these final matches.  I still stand on that and watched with disgust that France, Portugal, Russia, and Greece were not forced to play each other, but were allowed to play the "lesser" sides instead.  I like France (because of Evra, Gourcuff, and former player, Zizou), Portugal (for obvious reasons) and Greece (my home away from home)...but...I feel they should have to qualify like everyone else.  It would be poetic to see the "lesser" sides make it to the Finals despite the Machiavellian machinations of FIFA.  I'm not sure that I would want to be on a team knowing that FIFA had given us a boost because we weren't good enough to qualify on our own merits.

Other news from the pitch:
I detest "friendlies!!!!"  And although I'm not an Arsenal supporter, I had to feel for Robin van Persie yesterday as he was chopped in the ankle by a player from...of course...Italy!!  He has sustained tears in the ligaments and could be out for months.  Arsenal has had a renaissance this season, scoring an insane amount of goals (largely due to van Persie's 7 goals and 7 assists) and find themselves tied for second with United.  Losing van Persie after already losing Bendtner to surgery this week, will only serve to put Arsene Wenger in the looney bin! Zut alors!  I'm sure he wishes he had purchased Chamakh in the summer, no matter what Bordeaux were asking.

Probably the same look on Arsene Wenger's face!

Diego Maradona, the "coach" of the Argentinian national team was given a two-month suspension by FIFA for his remarks during a press conference, following Argentina's narrow escape from missing South Africa.
His crude, vile comments were befitting of his small stature.  This train-wreck should never have been given the reigns of the Albicelestes.  Although watching them squirm through their qualifying was a treat to me (never a fan of them), his appointment smacked (no pun intended) in the face of decency.  Run out of footy because of his drug-taking (his own countrymen call him "Maladroga"..."bad drug"), he has been a lightning rod for controversy ever since.  Shame on the hoodlums who run the AFA  (with purported mafia links).  Missing South Africa would have been just desserts for you.

The Special One, Jose Mourinho, former manager of Chelsea and current manager of Inter Milan, has announced that he would like to return to the Prem League.  Long thought of as the replacement for Sir Alex when he retires, the Portuguese manager waxed prosodic as usual:
"Clearly it is unrealistic to expect to stay at a club as long as Sir Alex, but I am ready for the next phase of my career," Mourinho told the Times. "I want to work with a different perspective.

"At Porto, my objective was to win to earn the right to go abroad. At Chelsea, my ambition was to create a bit of history. But I always knew Chelsea lacked the normal English culture of stability.
"I was never under any illusions. I understood the personality of Roman and the culture of the people around him and knew it was not a job for ten years. My role was to give this man what he wanted - victory - knowing that, sooner or later, my time would finish, because there were too many things going on around me.
"In Italy, I was coming to the motherland of tactics, the country of catenaccio and defensive football. The objective was to win not only in a third different league but a place where they say foreign coaches have had little success. But the time will come for stability.
"I love Inter and would love to build for the future here. In fact, I am doing it now, because I am not a selfish coach and I'm thinking about the future in terms of youth development and the age structure of my first team - but Italy is not the country for this. England is the country. And my football is English football."

"Shut up, Sven!...Be Champions!"

Do It For Zidane, Patrice!

Evra's a Fizzy Rascal

Patrice Evra, French NT player and Man United star

Patrice Evra has given up drinking Sprite - because the green label reminds him of World Cup foes Ireland! The Manchester United defender has been getting all kinds of stick ahead of France's play-off games with the Republic. And a can of fizzy drink finally made him go pop. He revealed: "I've had the impression for days that certain people have been wearing green on purpose. Maybe that's just my imagination. But the other day I opened a can of Sprite, took a good look at it and decided I had to swap it for another drink. The moment I see anything green I think about the Republic of Ireland." Irish defender John O'Shea has wound up his United team-mate ahead of Saturday's first leg at Dublin's Croke Park and next Wednesday's return in Paris. Left-back Evra added: "These last few days at United have been difficult. John O'Shea has promised me it will be hell at Croke Park. I have had the mickey taken out of me a lot. It's normal, as when England failed to make Euro 2008 I asked my English team-mates if they wanted a remote control to switch between games on TV. Now it's started once more. Darren Fletcher, who plays for Scotland, tells me we'll spend the summer together. The joking has to stop now. We have to qualify. It has become an obsession."

Matt Parker, The Sun
[end story]
 
Chris Lemons, turn away now...
I'm sure France would like to forget Germany 2006.  Losing to a diving, play-acting Italian side was tough enough, but then to be stung with the exit of the world's finest player...ever...because of an idiotic, low-minded, crude, brainless fool like Materazzi was too much for the French fans.  I remember where I was when it all happened.  I was teaching a week-long workshop in Plano, Texas and my friend and colleague, Dennis Davino (also a French-speaker) and I were cozy in his room at our hotel, ready to watch Zinedine Zidane give a clinic to the aforementioned morons from Italia.  But, it was not to be.  Zut alors!  L'idiot, Materazzi, insulté la soeur de Zidane, qui a tourné alors et a tué l'italien ! (Il ne l'a pas tué, mais il a mis sa tête à sa poitrine, qui a signifié une carte rouge et le dernier jeu international pour le plus bien joueur dans le monde. Très triste. )
Translation:  The fool, Materazzi, insulted the sister of Zidane, who then turned and killed the Italian! (He didn't kill him, but he put his head to his chest, which meant a red card and the last international game for the finest player in the world. Very sad.)
Let's hope that Patrice and company (including the very cute Yohann Gourcuff) can overcome a spirited Irish side (although I want Sheasy to do well) and finally secure their spot in The Cup. 
 
Some pics of the great Zizou!
 

Manchester United Show Chamakh Interest

From The Independent: (also ran in Daily Mail)


Manchester United have been tracking the performances of Marouane Chamakh and could make a move for the Moroccan in January according to reports.
The Bordeaux forward courted interest from Sunderland, West Ham and, most notably, Arsenal in the summer but his dream move to the Premier League never materialised.
Yet a switch to England could now be back on with United scouts having watched the 25-year-old in action over the weekend.
Chamakh's contract at the French side expires in the summer, meaning a reasonable fee could be agreed.
[end story]

Chamakh is known for his link-up play (most notably with Yohann Gourcuff), his aerial ability (most of his goals are scored with headers), and his speed.
After losing CR this summer, United haven't quite replaced the heading ability CR brought in set plays.  Chamakh (at 6'2") would provide the height that shorter players (Owen, etc.) can't.
Chamakh's manager at Bordeaux, Laurent Blanc, was responsible for Gabriel Obertan finding his way to United this past summer.  Blanc, a former centre-back for United, has kept on good terms with Sir Alex over the years.  Bordeaux broke Lyon's stranglehold on the Ligue 1 championship last year, and are currently atop the league.
Maybe Marouane would bring Yohann with him...yummy photos!

Chamakh and Gourcuff

Awwwww...bring Yohann with you, Marouane!

Chamakh in midair!

I Leave for Three Days and My Teams Drop Points...sigh

Written by Stewart Gardner, commentator for MUTV:

When I walked away from Anfield a couple of weeks ago I must admit I felt disconsolate. United simply hadn’t turned up and were well beaten. But yesterday, on the way back from Stamford Bridge, I felt really positive about United’s performance despite a third defeat of the season.

Before the match, the Chelsea fans I spoke to were super confident. And yet, United produced a dominant display. The tactics were spot on. Chelsea’s much vaunted midfield was totally outshone by the outstanding Darren Fletcher, Michael Carrick and Anderson.
I’m beginning to think Fletcher is the unluckiest player in Europe. On Tuesday he gets outrageously booked for diving and then yesterday he wins the ball from Ashley Cole but is penalised by referee Martin Atkinson and Chelsea score from the resulting free kick. Cole’s reaction to the challenge did Fletcher no favours.
The boss told me after the game that he’s losing faith in referees. The Chelsea goal tells you he has a point. Firstly, it was never a free kick. Secondly, Wes Brown is fouled by Didier Drogba, and thirdly, Drogba is clearly offside and interfering with play when the ball goes in. Apart from that, the goal was perfectly legitimate.
Three supposedly top officials thought there was nothing wrong with it. That says it all.
If you look deeper, all of the key decisions went against us: Antonio Valencia should have had a penalty after getting hauled down by John Terry, and Wayne Rooney was wrongly flagged for offside when clean through on goal.
The only good thing Mr Atkinson did was book Drogba for getting kicked in the chest by Jonny Evans. Essentially Drogba was booked just for being Drogba. And I have to say I’m all in favour of that!

But United’s performance was excellent and merited more from the game. I think we saw the real United yesterday; resolute at the back, tigerish in midfield and always dangerous with the magnificent Rooney in attack. And remember, this was a United team with key players missing.
In the tunnel after the game the United squad were fuming. Disappointment and injustice was etched across their faces. I think this will now galvanise everyone and we could see the start of one of the team’s famous winning runs.
After 12 games last season, we were eight points behind Chelsea* and yet still won the title with a bit to spare. The only frustration now is that we all have to sit through yet another interminable international break before being let loose on Everton. But you can bet the lads will be fired up for that one. [end story]

* I have been saying this all along.  Those predicting dire straits for United this year have forgotten that last year in December we were still behind Liverpool on points and then at the end of January we were 10 points clear of them.  Everyone at the top of the Prem League will drop points, including Chelscum!

Michael Carrick winning the ball against a team not worth talking about

On another note from yesterday, my Bordeaux lost as well.  2-0.  Chamakh played brilliantly but the Lille keeper had the match of his life.  Oh well...we're still clear of Lyon at the top of Ligue 1.

Chamakh taking on the defense single-handedly (he almost scored here)

An update on CR's injury.  He went to Amsterdam to see Dr. Dijk and he will be out for another two weeks until he's assessed again in Amsterdam.  Even if he's given the green light to train, it will be a good spell (no pun intended) before he's match fit.  He was named to Portugal's team for their do-or-die matches against Bosnia.  They have to win the two matches if they want to go to the World Cup next summer.  The Madridiots have warned the Portuguese Football Federation that if CR plays in those matches and returns injured that they would face court action.  *uproarious laughter*  This is such a nasty triangle.  CR wants to play for Portugal.  I'm not sure that the Madridiots understand that.  They are the ones who said that they wanted him to be in the World Cup and if he weren't they would stand to lose a hundred million euros on merchandising.  I suppose they want their cake and to eat it too.   Speaking of cake...here is a nice piece at which to gander...

Ronny in Amsterdam (sporting Armani, of course)

An old pic from an interview in Manchester (06)

I like the smile here (pre-injury)...nothing to smile about now

And now for the international break...zzzzzzzzzz....wake me when it's over.

Knockout, Knocked Out, Knocked...

Knockout...as in Champions League Knockout Stage. 
The coveted Round of 16 is drawing closer and a few teams have already booked their places in the next round.  Manchester United, Chelsea, Bordeaux, FC Porto, Lyon, and Sevilla are safely through, with Arsenal a mathematical shoe-in.

Bordeaux striker, Marouane Chamakh, scores against Bayern Munich

Michael Owen scores (Charleston-style...haha) against CSKA Moscow

Several Groups are still a toss-up, with some surprising teams still fighting for life.
In Group C: Real Madrid, AC Milan, Olympique Marseilles, and FC Zurich all have a mathematical chance of advancing.  The former two have 7 points, Marseilles has 6, and Zurich has 3.  With two matches left to play, two wins by any team would give them a top-two spot and advancement.
In Group F: Inter, Barcelona, FC Rubin Kazan, and Dynamo Kiev are locked in the tightest battle.  Inter is sitting at 6 points, Barca and Rubin Kazan have 5, and Dynamo Kiev has 4.  Each team only has one win in four matches!!  The goal differential is just as close.  Inter and Barca are +1, while RK and DK are -1.  Barcelona are the defending Champions, beating United last May in Rome.  Crashing out in the group stage would be an embarrassment to a team that boasts world-class talent. 

Knocked Out
In Group E:  Liverpool sits in third place behind Ligue 1 runners-up Lyon (10 points), followed by Italian side Fiorentina (9 points).  The Reds are languishing with only 4 points in 4 matches (1 win, 1 draw, 2 losses).  Points-wise they could still overtake Fiorentina if they lose their last two matches, but Liverpool's goal differential may be the stake in the heart.  Lyon is +6, Fiorentina is +5, and Liverpool is -2.  With their recent dip in form, it is highly improbable that they will overtake Fiorentina.  Their Premier League play has been just as spotty and manager Rafa Benitez has been under extreme pressure for his side's pathetic showing.  An early exit in the group stage of the Champions League might be the final nail in the coffin for the "Spanish Waiter."

Liverpool's season has gone from bad to worse

It should be noted that none of the teams are sitting on 12 points (4 wins).  The teams already qualified for the next round are all sitting at 10 points, with one draw for each.
The next matches are scheduled for November 24 and 25.

Knocked
More bad news today for struggling Real Madrid.  Their prized bull, Cristiano Ronaldo, received the news that his MRI showed no improvement in his injured ankle.  The bone edema is not healing, which has prompted the La Liga side to send Ronaldo to see an orthopaedic specialist in Amsterdam.  Dr. van Dijk fixed Ronny's ailing ankle in June, 2008.  After playing with a floater for almost five months (and playing the best he ever has), he elected to have surgery to fix the problem after United won the Champions League Final against in Chelsea in May, 2008.  The RM doctors have been unable to make any progress on his current injury so it was decided that he should see the "doctor milagro" (miracle doctor).  Wizards casting spells, miracle doctors...the next thing you know he'll be seeing a witch doctor. 
With all of RM's summer signings, why should CR not playing be an issue?  Because with him they won, without him they have only won 2 out of their 7 matches.  Their tactic has been to outscore their opponents.  The problem is they don't have a defense.  And without their star striker (Kaka and Benzema have flopped so far), the goals just aren't coming.  Obviously they've never heard the adage: Defense equals championships.

CR's knock heard 'round the world

A special shoutout to Wayne and Coleen Rooney.  The Manchester United forward and his wife are the proud parents of a son, Kai Wayne Rooney, born Monday in Liverpool.  Kai weighed in at an even 8 pounds and punters in England have started taking odds on the youngest Rooney playing Premier League footy and striking for the England NT like Dad.

Roon: We're Not Same Without Ron

This is from The Sun so read it with a grain of salt:

WAYNE ROONEY is still not happy Cristiano Ronaldo left Old Trafford last summer, claiming the Portuguese superstar is 'irreplaceable'.

The United striker has had to carry the burden of expectation now that Ronaldo plies his trade in Madrid rather than Manchester.

Incomparable duo

Rooney returns from a calf injury tomorrow to take on the old foe Liverpool at Anfield.
It is some game in which to make his 250th appearance for United in five years at the club. But he wishes he was still playing with Ronaldo by his side.
Birthday boy Rooney, 24 today, said: "I don't consider I was ever in Ronaldo's shadow but, no, I'm not happy he left the club and I don't think any of us are.
"I'd prefer him to still be in the team if I'm being honest.
"He's a brilliant player, irreplaceable, the best player in the world - so no one's happy he left."
Rooney says that, on the first day back for training after Ronaldo's departure, manager Alex Ferguson told him he had to up his goals rate.
The England star revealed: "The manager said he wanted me to score more goals - but then he tells me that every season. As the season goes on, if I am not scoring enough, he'll tell me I need to improve.
"And if I am scoring goals, he'll still tell me I need to improve. That's just how he is."
Rooney still keeps in touch with Ronaldo following his former team-mate's world record £80million move to the Bernabeu.
Some thought they would never speak again after the Portuguese international's part in Roo's red card in the 2006 World Cup quarter-finals.
But Rooney quickly patched things up with 'The Winker' and they went on to win three titles and the Champions League together.

Ronny and Rooney

Rooney added: "We still speak from time to time. He's enjoying his football in Madrid and obviously he's settled in well and is scoring goals. He sounds like he is loving it over there." (hahahahaha)
Despite Ronaldo's absence, Rooney is still happy with United's form this season.
They go to Anfield tomorrow top of the table and all but certain of qualification for the next stage of the Champions League.
Rooney said: "It's funny because as soon as we got beaten at Burnley, people came out saying 'we're not as good as last season, we won't win the title, we'll be lucky to finish in the top four' and all that.
"It was laughable, we'd only lost one game. But then they've done it the last three seasons when we've won the league - the next season they've been straight out saying Chelsea are the favourites. I think because of United's dominance over the last couple of decades, a lot of people like to see us lose. We just have to get on with it."

Another linkup...another goal.  Club World Championship 2008

Rooney's return will be a major boost for United after he missed the midweek trip to Moscow which saw United beat CSKA 1-0 with a late Antonio Valencia winner.

Rooney said: "If I think someone can improve in a game I'll tell them, just as I expect they'll tell me if they think I'm not doing what I should or playing as well as I should.
"I think a bigger part of my game is trying to set an example by raising the tempo of the team.
"If things are a bit flat at Old Trafford, I'll chase about and try and get the crowd up a bit. Little things like that can make a massive difference."
Despite his seemingly fearless demeanour, Rooney will stand in the tunnel at Anfield tomorrow with nerves. But he believes the butterflies in his tummy help him fix his attention on exactly what he is going to do.
Rooney admitted: "I get nervous before every game, be it against Barcelona or Andorra or whoever.
"But it's not like uncontrollable nerves. It's more just running scenarios through my head, like what would I do if this happens, what will I do if that happens.
"But then as soon as I'm out there playing, it's gone and you're just playing on your instincts."

More from The Sun:

ALEX FERGUSON has warned the Anfield hate mob they will not faze Michael Owen.

The Manchester United striker faces a rough reception tomorrow when he returns to Liverpool - the club he served for eight years.
United boss Ferguson said: "I don't think it will bother Michael. Everyone wants to be liked but he's got the experience to handle it. It will be interesting to see what kind of reaction he gets.
"There have been very few players who have played for both clubs.
"Paul Ince got a bad reception from our fans when he joined Liverpool.
"Michael may well get that again on Sunday but it is difficult to say."
Owen, 29, was booed when he returned to Anfield with Newcastle in May and can expect twice the abuse now he plays for the Kop's most hated rivals.
But Ferguson believes the hotshot can ram the taunts back down the Liverpool fans' throats with a winning goal.
He is expected to come on as a sub in the Premier League clash and Fergie insists he is sharp enough to affect the outcome of the game.
The Old Trafford chief said: "He is capable of scoring in any type of match, including at the highest level. He has done that in his career."
Ferguson maintains Owen is still a master at beating the offside trap - just as he did in the closing seconds to win the Manchester derby.
The Scot added: "There is no one better at holding the line in the last third of the field. He is very seldom offside and that is down to his experience."
Owen remains the third top forward in Liverpool's history, boasting 258 goals in all competitions between 1996 and 2004.
And Fergie admitted: "The goals he scored mark him down as one of their best-ever strikers."